So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
