Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
