Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just cropdusted the office
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
