I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
