Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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