i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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