God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
