its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
