Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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