you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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