____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
