my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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