I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
