I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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