I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
