Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
