I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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