i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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