She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
