when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
