Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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