i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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