I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
