Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
