Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
