it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
