yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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