Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
