Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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