Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
