The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
this hospital has no fireball
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
