glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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