We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
