the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
