are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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