Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
