Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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