Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
