i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
