its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
