If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize