Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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