I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
