So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
