do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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