I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
