I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
