It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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