And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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