If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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