The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
