We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
