What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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