On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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