Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
