we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize