I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The air was thick with penises
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
