your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
