I bet he comes in French.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
