fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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