either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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