At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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