just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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