you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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