some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
