Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
