I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
