were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
