So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
