I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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