Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just forgot I was standing up.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
