The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize